Clubbing Celebrities

Edit: Discussion on this continues in the comments section and at this blog.

Kind of a mini-rant, I'm not really irritated enough with the issue to discourse at length but I wanted to discuss the annual seal outcry that puts Canada in the headlines once a year and allows all those people that don't like us to point a finger and say "they're hypocrite just like us".

But first, I'll start with a personal anecdote: A year or so ago I had the opportunity to enjoy a vegetarian meal with some of the brightest student activists in the country. Upon meeting some great Newfoundland chums who wanted to know I was doing on the upcoming weeknight I made some ill-advised quip about "clubbing baby seals." Now, little did they know that at heart I was no moral crusader; but by that time it was too late. I was ostracized from most of the meeting and received sinister glares from the Newfoundland delegation for the next few days. It goes to show that even among vegetarians in that province, the issue is not so cut and dried.


Now back to us being "hypocrites." That statement I definitely won't deny, but this whole seal thing is a little bit blown out of proportion. Starting with Sir McCartney's photograph with the cutest of seal pups (the ones that aren't being hunted) to the line-up of brainy celebrities (Pam Anderson just added herself to the queue) to criticize the murder of these defenseless animals.

Now its not exactly unsurprising that killing cute animals is morally wrong. Cuteness goes along way whether you're the type of animal that walks upright or paddles through the sea. But the point remains, how pervasive is the killing of seals? How many seal burgers have you eaten or seen for sale? How many seal-lined coats or hats or scarves or mittens or whatever fashion accessory those dastardly designers can dream up? Now quantity doesn't and shouldn't dictate morals but it does provide perspective. The upcoming cull (which provides most of the world with whatever sick seal fetishes they have) is expected to leave as many as 350,000 dead seals. Now comparing that to the 3 million animals that die per hour in the US alone for just food... That's 72 million per day... I don't have nearly the math skills to compute that to a season or a year, suffice it to say its large.

So why care about the seals besides the good chance to kick a holier-than-thou-art country in the balls for old times sake? Are they endangered? As far as I can tell science doesn't seem to say so, although with global warming and these culls I'm sure its a possibility growing stronger by the year. But again, does the extinction factor dictate morals? Would it be OK to kill seals off by the millions if we cooked up the recipe to bake a new batch for the next year?

I for one am tired of the cute animal brigades. I can respect a few celebrities, Sir Paul and Ms. Pamela are both vegetarians - vegans I think. And their claims are legitimate against the slaughter, even if they try sneaky tricks like picking the non-hunted cute seals instead of the slimy ugly ones we'd all like to club. But what I'd really like to see, not just from celebrities but from the rest of the world chanting alongside them as they chow down on their chicken nuggets or veal cutlets is recognition that its time to put-up or shut-up. You want seals off the clubbing list, stop torturing your breakfast, lunch and dinner. Or maybe I could just lead a "Cows are Cute Too!" campaign. Nah, I'm not an animal rights crusader... Maybe just deep down I know that if I were an animal, I know which side of the electrified fence I'd be thrust into - and Pam & Paul wouldn't be there to save me!